It's hard to believe, six years ago today our son passed on. In so many ways, it seems so long ago, but yet the sting feels just as sharp, the hurt just as poignant on days like this.
It's so hard having to juggle the present and the past. I have two healthy, beautiful girls whom are so excited and happy about Halloween tonight. There is a state of general madness around my home right now: the rush of carving pumpkins, the doning of costumes, the applicaiton of makeup, the snap of countless pictures, the haste to get it all done and have them fed before hurrying out the door tonight, not to mention hosting a block party of sorts in our drive once the neighborhood trick or treating hours end or the fact Hadleigh has to run off to be part of a haunted house around the corner and I need to go to the grocery store and I need to do laundry and dishes and workout and take a shower. The list seems endless...
And in the midst of that madness, I need the world to slow down long enough for me to take a breath, to pause so that I may remember my precious son and this special day.
Late this afternoon or early eve, we plan to send up a balloon again, like we've done every year since he died. It's alittle harder this year than last because Olivia asks so many questions. She's getting older and so understands a bit more, she understands the concept of sisters and brothers, but Heaven is a bit more difficult to grasp. Hadleigh, of course, if eager to talk about her little sister and brother and readily tells Olivia this morning that it was Noah's birthday.
Ah well, I just have to keep reminding myself of all the good in my life and the many blessings I do have. As sad as I might be about the loss of our dear Noah, life does go on and I must keep moving forward....
One step at a time.
So to my beautiful son up in Heaven,
Happy Birthday Noah! We love you and miss you, but know one day, we will meet again. Until then, sweet boy, rest well. I hope you are playing with your little sis Christina and having lots of fun. Maybe even throwing ball and playing chase with Shelby, she's such a sweet doggie. Thinking of you now and always.
Much love,
Mommy
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1 comment:
I'm so sorry about your son. I can relate to your story so much. I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks this summer and have one healthy 15 month old. I may (and hopefully will) have more children, but my second baby will always hold a place in my heart. I'll always remember.
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